I found a prompt on a writing bingo to write about a character who keeps sticking their foot in their mouth. My only thought was literally or figuratively? Why not both?!
"Oi! Stop that!"
The black dog happily ignored Richard's command and continued chewing his hind foot. Par for course, no one listened to Richard.
"Excuse me?"
... Shit!
No listened to Richard except when he says something inflammatory in a meeting. And it just so happened that even though he was at home, he was in a virtual meeting ... with 10 of his co-workers and his boss ... and he had forgotten to mute himself.
"No no no. Not you! It's someone on my end. Sorry I forgot to mute myself." Cheeks flaming, Richard bit his lip to prevent himself from word-vomiting and hoped that they would take his apologies and continue as if nothing had happened.
"Right ... Okay, moving on. Sabrina, please update us on what the markets are ..."
The meeting continued and Richard took notes on topics to follow up later. He only spoke a couple of times to ask a question or add agreement.
Everything was going well until the black dog got up and walked to the door. Richard took no notice of this, but if he had he would have know that the mail truck was trundling up the street. If he knew the mail truck was trundling up the street, he would have muted himself after finishing his report on his advertisement report.
As it was, just as his boss was commenting on some improvement to make, the dog released a ferocious growl and started barking up a storm.
"Dog! Shut up!" Richard yelled to be heard over the din. The dog stopped barking temporarily to look at Richard, then turned back and resumed a low-rumbling growl.
Richard sighed in relief as that was less disruptive than the frenzied barking earlier.
His short-lived relief shattered abruptly when he realized there were no more human voices. Even in gallery view, where his boss took up 1/12th of the screen, that raised manicured eyebrow conveyed so much hidden meaning. Richard could feel a drop of sweat running down his ears and he absently wondered if he should open a window.
"... I'm so sorry. That was not meant for you to hear."
A few of his coworkers were respectfully not looking at the camera or dutifully reading papers that covered their whole face.
The boss had a severe frown, but nodded. "Noted. Do I need to repeat any of my suggestions?"
"No ma'am." Richard tried not to curl into himself and remembered to mute himself this time.
The dog ceased growling and walked to Richard's feet, looking like the innocent angel he was most definitely not.
Richard glanced at the dog and muttered out of the corner of his mouth, "Stop getting me into trouble pooch."
Out of paranoia, Richard double-checked that he was muted. He felt some tension leeched away when he saw the red crossed out microphone.
The meeting continued with no further incident on Richard's end. They were wrapping up with summarization of action items and a check-in with each participant to see how they were feeling. Richard answered "warm" without any problem and started to think that just maybe he can escape this meeting relatively intact. There were only two more participants and the boss to go.
While the first participant was going, the dog started growling at Richard. Richard checked the mute button. It was still on. The second participant went. The dog barked. Maybe he needs to go to the toilet, thought Richard, making a mental note to take out the dog once the meeting ended.
Finally, it was the boss's turn. The dog ran out of patience and leapt into Richard's lap in plain view of the camera. The dog made a point of sniffing out the keyboard for the crumbs of Richard's lunch.
"Ack! No no no! Dog off! Bad dog! No treat for you!"
His threats were useless against the dog who had never had a problem smooching food from Richard.
Richard finally moved the dog enough to see the screen and his boss's face-of-disapproval. Not only did his boss noticed the dog on the screen, but somehow the dog turned off the mute. He cringed, already mentally composing an apology email, pleading for forgiveness.
He held his breath as his boss had yet to speak.
"Amused." And then something happened that was rumored only to exist in legend. The lips of his boss quirked up before resuming a professional line. "That's it for today. You all know what to do. Stay safe and I'll see you Thursday."
The conference called ended without further ado. Richard collapsed back on his chair, absentmindedly petting the dog on his lap.
He looked at the dog who was chewing his back foot again. He tugged the foot away from the dog, "Don't try to get me fired again, okay?"
The dog just gave him the puppy eyes that pinky-promised to never chew on furniture again, but nevertheless the furniture will still get chewed.
-LL
